In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm at about main and main street
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm too high and old for this...
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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