At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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