is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
