You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
