Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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