I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
