Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I still have a little drunk in my system
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
