I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
