He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
