so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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