By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
