He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
