Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
