so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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