I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
