I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My bed smells like the plague
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
