oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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