we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
