so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
