I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
