my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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