Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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