dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
