i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
