I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
