The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
