I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
