so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
