dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
