She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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