Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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