I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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