i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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