I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
