Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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