The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
