the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
