in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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