I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
