Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize