When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
