I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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