I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
