i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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