He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
