I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
