I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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