I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
