I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
