Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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