the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
