Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
