walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
