was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
