I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
