This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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