don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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