Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
