Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
