I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize