You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
