I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
