I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
