I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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