Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
