I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
