whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
