I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
