Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
