it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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