She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Drunk is a universal language darling
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