he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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