sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
