My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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