Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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