just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
