how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
i now understand why vodka
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
