bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
