What tipped you off? The sombrero?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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