I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
