If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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