I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
