Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
