She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Houston, we have a blender
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
