Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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