I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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