So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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