my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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