Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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