So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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