There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
