I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
