In the future we'll all be gay
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
