You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she peed on how many people?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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