i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
