He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
