I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
