Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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