Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
