I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
