I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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