College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
