there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
