She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
