i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
