I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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