i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My balls are so social today.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Can I color on your dick again?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Come on in and take your pants off
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