bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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