Buhtt sex?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have fence marks all over my body
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
