im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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