1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
