ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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