dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
