I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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