There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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