HIV tests are more positive than that guy
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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