Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he thought i was a dude.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
