This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
