Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
