you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wish you could order shots online.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
