Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
