it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Randomize
