so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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