is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
