I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
